The call is coming from inside the house!

Lately, I've been thinking about fear and how it affects my life.

When I was a kid, there was a horror movie where the baby sitter picks up the phone with the killer on the other end of the call and discovers the call is coming from inside the house.  This freaked me out for many years.  I mean, back then we didn't have caller ID, we didn't know who was calling when we picked up the phone, it was entirely possible for it to be inside the house without you knowing it.

What I have come to realize is that fear is always inside the house.

Once we experience fear as a small child, it takes up residency.  Now, this is for a good reason.  Fear is what creates caution and ultimately caution keeps us alive.  Fear has its place.  I imagine it living in a small studio apartment.  Fear is only a problem when we allow it to become the mayor of the city, because once fear gains that kind of power it is hard to remove.

Most people do not want to oppose fear.  Coming face-to-face with it is a big deal, but the thought of actually acting on it and pushing it to the side can be paralyzing.  We retreat to the safety of our mental house and shut the door, sometimes locking it and shutting all the curtains.  Staying safe sounds nice, but staying inside a house means that we have limited space and ability to act on our ideas.  We need to be able to venture down many paths to find the things we want.  Even with the internet.  If you only ever stayed on one website, or one page of one website, you wouldn't be able to do very much.

I haven't quite allowed fear to become mayor, but it is definitely head of the neighborhood watch.

I recently watched a 61 second clip of a commencement speech given by Jim Carrey.  He talks about his father being afraid to follow his dreams and opting for a safer path in life.  He chose a path the he didn't love, but on which he thought he couldn't fail.  He failed anyway.  Jim Carrey goes on to state that if you can fail at something you don't love then why not take the chance of failing on something you love. (Watch the clip, he says it better than my paraphrasing.)

I recognized myself in his tale.

Since watching that clip, I have committed to do that which I have loved since I was a child.  I am writing my stories. Not for any other reason than I love to write.  If they turn out to be good and others want to read them, then great.  If not, I will still be doing something I love and I will be happy with it.

Fear will no longer be in charge of that neighborhood.  Fear is going back to its apartment where it belongs.

Having it all

Why are we obsessed as a culture with having it all.

We hear so much in the media about "having it all." Can you?  Can't you? Everyone has an opinion (some of which get a little over the top and judgmental).

Mostly this statement is made in relation to the topic of working mothers.  Being one myself, I have my own opinion on the subject, but I am going to take the gender out of it and say parent.  Generally in this debate, "having it all" is equated with being a good parent and having a successful career.  I would like to point out that we are talking about multiple concepts each with individually varying definitions.

What is a good parent?  There is no one definition.  In fact, it seems that the definition of a good parent changes with every generation.  Ask your grandparents, parents and friends what it means and you will probably get three different definitions.  Even more, ask three different sets of parents within the same generation and the same thing will probably happen.

What is a successful career?  Is it being the CEO of a company?  Is it doing what you love for a living regardless of pay?  Is it making the most money possible even if you hate what you do?  These are just a few possibilities.  Again, if you asked any number of people you will probably get any number of different answers.

If we cannot define each of the individual elements of the debate similarly, then how can we expect to ever agree on the ability to "have it all."

Personally, I think I have it all.  Does that mean I'm always successful at my job and that I am always a good parent.  Heck no!

Guess what, I'm human and I make mistakes.  At work and at home, I own my mistakes.  I learn from my mistakes.  I still make more mistakes.  I don't equate good parenting or career success with being perfect.

I also do not believe that either being a stay at home parent or being a working parent is inherently a better state to live in.  It's a personal choice, just like everything in life.  And just like everything in life, defining "having it all" is a personal choice.  No one else needs to validate my definition or yours.

If we would all stop trying to win the debate and accept that each of us has the chance to define what "having it all" really is and that is OK, we might all have less stress and more happiness in our lives.