Having it all

Why are we obsessed as a culture with having it all.

We hear so much in the media about "having it all." Can you?  Can't you? Everyone has an opinion (some of which get a little over the top and judgmental).

Mostly this statement is made in relation to the topic of working mothers.  Being one myself, I have my own opinion on the subject, but I am going to take the gender out of it and say parent.  Generally in this debate, "having it all" is equated with being a good parent and having a successful career.  I would like to point out that we are talking about multiple concepts each with individually varying definitions.

What is a good parent?  There is no one definition.  In fact, it seems that the definition of a good parent changes with every generation.  Ask your grandparents, parents and friends what it means and you will probably get three different definitions.  Even more, ask three different sets of parents within the same generation and the same thing will probably happen.

What is a successful career?  Is it being the CEO of a company?  Is it doing what you love for a living regardless of pay?  Is it making the most money possible even if you hate what you do?  These are just a few possibilities.  Again, if you asked any number of people you will probably get any number of different answers.

If we cannot define each of the individual elements of the debate similarly, then how can we expect to ever agree on the ability to "have it all."

Personally, I think I have it all.  Does that mean I'm always successful at my job and that I am always a good parent.  Heck no!

Guess what, I'm human and I make mistakes.  At work and at home, I own my mistakes.  I learn from my mistakes.  I still make more mistakes.  I don't equate good parenting or career success with being perfect.

I also do not believe that either being a stay at home parent or being a working parent is inherently a better state to live in.  It's a personal choice, just like everything in life.  And just like everything in life, defining "having it all" is a personal choice.  No one else needs to validate my definition or yours.

If we would all stop trying to win the debate and accept that each of us has the chance to define what "having it all" really is and that is OK, we might all have less stress and more happiness in our lives.