Give Yourself a Break

Last week I received the results of my 360 evaluation at work. 

If you aren't familiar with the concept, you can read more about it on wikipedia.  In brief, your supervisor(s)/peers/direct reports all give you feed back.  In my case, the company conducted 360 evals on all executive level employees specifically for our own personal development as leaders. No one other than the individual evaluated and the consultant would see the results.

To be honest, I was mildly worried that there was going to be something on the evaluation that would devastate me.  I feel that I am aware of my strengths and weaknesses (even if I don't really do much about my weaknesses at times).  However, I am also someone that fears I have a very different perception of myself than others do.

Turns out my fear was accurate, but not in the way I was afraid it would be.

The results shocked me and made me cry, in a good way.  They also made me realize just how hard on myself I am.  Just how much I am overly critical of my actions and abilities.  It isn't false modesty, I really don't see myself as competent and successful as others see me.

Each of us was given a one hour consultation with the evaluation expert to help us interpret the data (and there was a lot of data).  My call started off with the consultant telling me (laughingly, but seriously) that my results make me sound like I walk on water.  Looking at the results, I could tell they were good (all positive and only one area that bordered on positive side of neutral, but I didn't think they were anything particularly outstanding (see, there is my self critical voice).  From there we proceeded to talk about refinement of the one issue that was clearly stated, my defensiveness.

What I realized out of the conversation is just how much my defensiveness comes directly from my self critic.  I always feel like I am less than I should be and therefore take questioning or criticism far more to heart than I should.  I feel like I always have to prove myself, but what the results showed me was that I have already proved myself time and again and I should let go of the inner critic (or at least body check it into the wall sometimes).

When the Universe wants you to understand where you are going it puts sign post for you to find if you are willing to see them.  I get it now . . .

I need to give myself a break.

In fact, there are probably areas in all our lives where we need to do this.  Put tape over the inner critic's mouth and just be who we are and go for what we want.  Don't let that inner critic be the only thing holding you back from doing what you want with your life.  I know that is easier said than done, but I also know that we can move past that inner critic. 

Knowing is half that battle, right?