Paying Yourself First

You hear financial planners tell you this all the time, "When saving for retirement you need to remember to pay yourself first."  This isn't always easy.  But when they show you the charts and graphs about what that money will do over time, it makes a lot of sense.

Financial planning is not the only area of your life where this motto makes sense.

Think about how you spend your day.  How much time to do spend for yourself?  Do you even make time just for yourself everyday?   Is that time you're spending on yourself really for you? Are you doing something because it makes you feel good or rejuvenated in some way? (And no, I don't really think that sleeping in some mornings counts as spending time on yourself and neither does reading a book on the sidelines of your child's sports practice.)

If you are already making time for yourself, then smile, be proud and go on to read something else, the rest of this post is for the those of us that think we can't find time for ourselves.

As a society we are told to be selfless and put others first.  That idea can fill us with guilt over doing something others might consider self indulgent.  "Oh, I can't get a massage/buy that book/take a long bubble bath, I should spend that money/time on ______."

Does that sound familiar?

I know it does to me.  But thinking in these terms devalues us; it says that everyone else is more important and we don't deserve to treat ourselves as good as we treat others.  However, I am sure you have also heard the idea that you can't take care of others unless you take care of yourself . . .and I'd like to add first to the end of that statement.  Now, I don't mean that you should always think of yourself first, but instead that you should plan out your time in a manner that pays yourself first.

Look at your week, pencil in the things that you have to get done on a set schedule (such as the kids soccer practice, work, school, etc.).  Find time in each day's schedule and set it aside for yourself.  You can simply mark it "Me Time" and decide what you want to do with it later.  Now, when the hustle and bustle of life happens and invitations and new obligations come up, you will not find that you suddenly ran out of time for yourself.  You will need to make a conscious decision to reschedule your Me Time, which is completely OK.

Notice I didn't say give up the time, I said reschedule.

There will be times when life happens and that time slot must go to something else.  I just ask that at you take a moment to identify another bit of time for you. Maybe it will have to be less than what you originally had on the schedule, and again I say that is OK.  The idea is to build the habit of creating Me Time and finding a way to keep yourself important in your life.

I haven't always been the best at making time for myself.  It takes practice.  But when I slip into bad habits and give up my time, it is noticeable, and I make an effort to get back in the habit.

Here's to Me Time!  Something we all deserve.

The Difference

Do you ever have those moments when you are so frustrated you just want to walk away and never look back? 

Most people experience this at some point, some experience it often.  It can be the boss that just doesn't get reality, the kids that just won't listen, the family member that always picks a fight, or any number of things that we allow to get under our skin.

I had one of those moments recently and I did walk away. . . sort of.  I took a long walk.  I needed to remove myself from the situation and just be outside.  While I was walking I was thinking about ways to fix the situation.  As I watched the leaves blowing around on the trees, The Serenity Prayer popped into my head.  There are many versions of this prayer floating around, but my version of it went like this:

Help me find the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  

I realized that knowing the difference was the key.

The moment that I realized the situation was not something I could control, I was able to move into acceptance and the frustration vanished (well, maybe vanished is a strong word, but it was close to that).

There is always something you can change, but many times the only thing you control is your reaction to the situation.  Taking a few seconds to allow yourself to recognize that fact and actively change your reaction is what makes the difference.  Accepting a situation does not mean that you agree with it or think it is OK, but it allows you to let go of trying to change it when you can't, which is where my frustration was coming from.

I also realized that the prayer was too passive.  I needed to affirm that this state of being was always there and not look to some external force to deliver it to me.  So, I rewrote the prayer as an affirmation:

I have the wisdom to know the difference between the things I can and cannot change.  I have the courage to change the things I can and the serenity to accept the things I cannot.

 I know that I will still have times of frustration, but my hope is by reciting the affirmation I will accept the reality of a situation faster and have more serenity in my life. 

I think the world would be a much better place if all of us found a little more serenity in our lives.